Q: Rocket Launcher

Dear Rachel and Claire,

I’ve got a LOT of toys from your store, and I keep running into the same problem: Those Kegels seem to have worked too well. Whenever I have either an anal or vaginal toy inside me – or a partner – when I come, I push so hard, they go flying.

I bought anal beads and they flew against the wall. I bought the Tristan butt plug, and that shot to the footboard. Big and small toys alike have become vaginal cannonballs, and lovers have shouted “Don’t push me out!” at the height of passion. What do I do? I take pride in my abilities to flutter and pull, an especially my ejaculation skills, but it’s ridiculous when I can’t masturbate for fear of losing the toy across the room right when I need it most. Is it width or shape? Am I just squeezing too hard? I’m lost.

Rocket Launcher

A:

Dear Launcher,

Before you bean your lover with another projectile plug you may want to try changing the way you orgasm. If you didn’t bear down so forcefully when you come, the toys wouldn’t go flying and your sweetie would not be expelled. Experiment with letting the orgasm wash over you and opening up to it rather than clenching it. As you feel yourself starting to squeeze, use your conscious mind to relax. Breathe deeply. If you need to squeeze to come, imagine pulling upwards rather than bearing down. You can practice the upward pull during kegels too. You may find that you experience a different type of orgasm—one that you also enjoy.

Another suggestion is to get a plug harness to keep those cannonballs corralled. Harnesses that are designed to strap dildos on, can also be used to hold dildos or butt plugs in. For this purpose get a G-string style harness such as the Buzz Me Tender and consider accessorizing it with a Coupler, which is a little wraparound piece designed specifically to hold two dildos – one for the harness wearer. Another less involved option is to hold the toy in with your hand. If your PC muscles are pushing it out, but your arm is pushing it in, AND you really want it to be in, I think your arm will win the isometric wrestling match.

If the Tristan plug and the beads are airborne, I don’t think there is a wider or better shaped toy available that would stay put. Those two are the least aerodynamic ones.

Some women who like to bear down when they come prefer to have whatever penetrative object (plug, dildo, hand, penis, cucumber…) that brought them to that point removed at the moment of climax. For them the toy’s work is done.

My last suggestion is to embrace what you have, which sounds like a very powerful, dramatic and satisfyingly vital pelvic floor. Do your best to yell “duck” before the missiles fly. During sex your partner can pop back in as soon as the powerful clench of orgasm releases, and you two can ride together toward the next one.